Hitting Bottom

I know the exact day that I hit bottom: January 26, 2010.  That’s the day that I boarded a plane in Denver, Colorado with my three, soon-to-be-four children and landed in Greenville, South Carolina, to live with my dad and his wife.  The problem was not returning to my birthplace.  The problem was why and how I was returning. 

In November of last year, I was fired from my high-paying job, the job that was supporting our family.  Since we had been living paycheck-to-paycheck, we were not prepared for this kind of disaster and were soon behind on everything.  My husband refused to look for a job (he had been staying at home with the kids), and I wasn’t having luck finding anything.  Three weeks later, much to my surprise, I found out that I was pregnant–even though I was on birth control!!

There were days that we didn’t have enough to eat.  I had to call friends to get money for groceries, and then in January, we got a court notice for eviction.  I was at my wit’s end.  I had found a part-time teaching position, but it wouldn’t begin until the end of January, and I didn’t have the money to pay for the gas for the 40-minute drive to work.  My husband still refused to go to work; I was staring possible homelessness in the face.  When my husband wouldn’t even help me try to find shelter for our family in the event that we were evicted, I saw no choice but to accept my dad’s offer to come to Greenville temporarily while we got on our feet. 

What humiliation!  I had worked since I was 16; supported myself since I was 20.  I had rarely needed help to get done what I wanted to do.  Now, at 40 years old, with almost four children, I was penniless and homeless and a mental, emotional, and spiritual wreck.  I was utterly dependent and felt completely helpless, especially as it became clear not long after my arrival that my husband intended making our separation permanent.  Everything was gone:  my career, my marriage, my finances.  All my girls and I had were the clothes and few toys that we could bring on the plane.

For me, this was rock bottom. 

When you hit bottom, there are really only two choices:  stay there and wallow in the mess of stuff that has accumulated over the years, or look up to God so that He can pull you out.  I have chosen to look up, and God has been miraculously faithful.  He has provided and continues to provide for every need.  He has revealed Himself to me in new ways that are deepening and enriching my daily walk with Him, while exposing the areas in my heart that need transformation.  I will never be the same again!  Praise Him!

But looking up from rock bottom is hard, because it makes you face your pain.  Facing it and everything that it reveals about who you are is so much harder than running.  I am better at running than at staying, but He has brought me to a very still place, where, one rung of the ladder at a time, He is bringing me into a new life of abundance.

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7 Comments

  1. Karla, your post is compelling, and I am so glad God is with you where you are, because that means you, and your three-and-a-half children, are held in the palm of his hand.

    I notice this is a September post: I hope things have progressed and that Christmas is something to which you are looking forward.

    Reply
    • Thank you, Kate, for reading. My family is doing great, and I am in a much better place in every way! We are all looking forward to Christmas, because I have lots of family here. Thank you for the reminder that I need to write another blog entry. Merry Christmas to you and yours!

      Reply
  2. jessiecarty

     /  December 17, 2010

    Really glad you stopped by my site so I could have a chance to get to know you a bit. I look forward to hearing more about how you moved on 🙂

    Reply
  3. What faith and courage you have to be going through this and being able to talk about it. Thank God your father was there to help out. I have a feeling you will come out on the other side stronger, happier, and more blessed that before. Thanks for sharing this story. I’m sure there are many who would like to keep an eye on your progress. Please keep writing!

    Reply
  4. i have been in a deep dark place before. it brought me face to face with my need for Jesus. God was there with me, and i saw this because no one else could be there with me.

    i am glad to hear that you are with family.
    God has taken you to a better place.

    Reply

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